Check Out This Horror Movie. Leave the House. Don’t Go in the Tunnel. Run, Bitch. Run!

The horror movie is Absentia, made in 2011. On my scale of the worst, What the shit? to the best, This is a great movie. Watch the hell out if this movie, I have to say it was almost a Watch the hell out of this movie.  It had it’s really, really great moments.  So on a scale of one to ten, it was a nine.  

As I watch more and more horror movies, I add to the list of things I will never do. I will never go camping in a creepy ass cabin that you have to hike to far from the road. I will get to that one. I will never camp out in the woods in the middle of nowhere in a tent. (Blair Witch Project. I don’t care if it didn’t scare you. It scared the fuck out of me, so no tents. Done.)   And now I can add tunnels to the list. I will not go into concrete tunnels or probably tunnels of any kind.

To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have anyway. I looked at that tunnel at the beginning of the movie and I did not see monsters, I saw criminals, someone waiting with a gun or some shit to jump me, mug me, mess up my shit. Whatever. So I have trust issues. So what. That looked like one sketchy ass tunnel. You’ll see. Just look at it.  It screams, “Go the fuck around.” So I would.

Of course the people in the horror movie did not go the fuck around. They never do. That is why they don’t survive and why the movie is not like, five minutes long. Oh, creepy scary tunnel, guess I won’t go that way. Roll credits.

So of course everyone and their mother goes through the tunnel. Hum de dum. Just walking through the scary ass tunnel. Then on the way BACK through the tunnel the second time,  the sister sees a scary person lying on the floor of the tunnel and SHE STILL WALKS in there. Well, at that point, I was yelling at her and I lost all respect for her as a movie character. What. The. Hell. /p>

Then there is the crazy ass other sister living in the scary ass (I like the words scary ass today. Live with it.) neighborhood since her husband mysteriously disappeared seven years ago. I get that she is grieving. I get that she hopes he will just magically reappear. I also notice that she is seeing his creepy fucking ghost everywhere in that apartment. Again, leaving would occur to me.  Pretty frequently. And leaving fast.

So this movie has a lot going on and it is creepy and entertaining. It is worth watching and I would recommend it, but probably not alone. It creeped me out.Now, if you want, go watch that sucker and enjoy every creepy little moment. Jump and enjoy it. Yell at the screen if you want.   Then if you want, come back for the spoilers because as usual, I have questions and I have opinions. However, I don’t want to ruin the surprises that this one has in store for you.  And no more tunnels for you, either, my friend. Bahahahahaha, evil laugh.

 

Spoiler Alert………………………………………………………… Be warned.

 

 

1.  I liked that at first you weren’t sure if the husband was crazy or if something had really happened to him. Or maybe he was just an asshole who took off for seven years, but holy hell, he looked bad.  I like suspense and trying to figure out what is happening in a movie.

2.  When the husband showed up in the street, I loved how his wife looked away, as if it was another “lucid dream”. I thought he wasn’t real either. I remember going to bed that night and thinking, “Fuck lucid dreaming. I don’t want to do that.” I am not convinced that is what lucid dreaming actually is but hell. Scary explanation, Dude Therapist. That is the official title I am giving him. Deal with it.

3. The cop was an ASSHOLE to the poor man who had just been completely traumatized. Yes, I get he was being all protective of the woman he loved and the baby that was his and he didn’t understand that he was in a horror movie. Well, fuck him, he was still an asshole. Get with the program, Dude Cop.

4. So, the tunnel, huh? The fucking creepy tunnel has its own role in this one. That tunnel was scary. Understatement.

5.  The young man who freaked the fuck out when he found his father’s body at the tunnel was an amazing actor. I realize that you know that. I am just impressed. He portrayed it so well and the crazy look in his eyes when they were questioning him. Those FUCKING cops didn’t know they were in a horror movie either. The people who might be able to help never do. So there is that.

6.  The “trade” thing at the end? What. The. Fuck. What was she thinking? If she was going to do that, she needed to be a better negotiator. I mean, you don’t just yell trade at whatever the fuck that  supernatural, super creepy thing is. I mean,”Trade me for  my  live sister and her live baby and don’t let them be all twisty and shit. Make them normal and healthy.  Give them  back alive please.” Maybe. Be polite also. What the hell did she think she was trading for? Again, I realize she was under a great deal of stress.

7. That fucking shower curtain moved. Yes it did. Why didn’t they run, not walk, out of the house right then? The first time it happened.  Yes, I know it would make the movie shorter, but hell. The shower curtain moved. On its own. On more than one occasion.

8 How fucked up is it that the sister tells the truth about the monster thingie, whatever and no one believes her? Classic horror movie problem.

9. The wife having to tell the man’s parents AGAIN that he was missing. That was totally fucked up. Seriously. Shit. Cold blooded shit on the writer’s part. That is all I am saying. If I were the writer’s friend, I would not fuck with him or her. Ever.

10. Not showing the entire thing monster, whatever that thing was, dragging the husband and then the wife out of the house was brilliant. It creeped me out.

Hope you enjoyed the movie and you had to leave your shower curtain in the bathroom completely open. I always have mine open. That just makes sense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About jambiethoughts

I am a 52 year old woman with a serious sense of whimsy. I was having a hard time describing myself but when a friend said everyone wanted to be a princess, men and women, I said to call me a Queen, Warrior Queen. I think Whimsical Happy sometimes Silly Warrior Queen Who Takes No Shit But Is Really Kind and loves to have fun but is really responsible might do it. It is long, however I have never been good at editing myself, in SO MANY WAYS, so there is that. If you still have no idea who I am, well, read my blog and try to figure it out. I can be serious. I can be silly. I love to make myself and others laugh. I speak real shit. I believe everyone should be treated with respect and I will if you will. I calls them as I sees them. I sometimes swear. Gasp! I do not swear when I am in the presence of children but this blog is for grown ups. You have been warned.
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One Response to Check Out This Horror Movie. Leave the House. Don’t Go in the Tunnel. Run, Bitch. Run!

  1. thehouseai says:

    I simply cannot recall if I saw this. Bits ring a quiet bell, but you know me. About the shower curtain. For most of my adult life, after seeing psycho, and perhaps before, I hated shower curtains, I even left a gap at the end open and would peek out periodically. This while my then husband was still in the house. After our last couple of houses, which had doors, and the last one had an open spa tub, and a small semi-see through shower stall, I sort of got over it, and after the divorce, I was so numb, nothing bothere me or scared me. I could walk in the tunnel. Haven’t really gotten all that fear back yet. If I had a bigger apt. now, I might be more worrried. Before, we had the dogs, who would not let a man in the house, even if invited. So thanks for this. I hope I can leave mine shut still… ;-)

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