“The Haunting of Whaley House”. Where do I begin? Well, for one thing, “This house is haunted as fuck!”. Many people say this in the movie, over and over. I loved that about the movie. I just did.
It started off slow but I do have to say it kept getting better in a this is not a great movie but it certainly had its moments way. On my scale of What the Shit? to Watch the Shit Out Of This Movie, I am going to say, it’s closer to Watch the Shit OUt of this Movie, an eight on a scale of ten. Not great, but bad enough to be good.
Just read this and see what you think. I can’t tell you everything. Some of the best stuff is, as always, (and in my opinion) in the spoilers.
I don’t think you should miss out on this one, for several reasons. One, for the one dark and but still amazing scene where the geeky guy gets really angry and well, I don’t want to spoil it but I’ve watched a lot of horror movies and I have never seen that. Also, in the attic there is what my husband named, “The Wall of Fuck.” I think you will enjoy it. You know in a what the fuck, kind of way.
Also, I really should start filming my husband and I watching horror movies because this is how it goes. We start watching and my husband falls asleep and like magic or something he wakes up JUST as someone is dying or something extra weird or supernatural is happening. He says in a really calm voice, “Wow, that’s not good.” Then immediately is snoring again. AND I am back to watching a horror movie alone. What the hell? But it’s still funny that he does this over and over. By that time,I have watched just enough that no matter how bad it is, I want to see how it ends.
Also, I want to write a review for you guys and I have not started a movie yet that is so bad that I can say, nope could not finish it. Not yet anyway. Perhaps that can be my goal. I will find THAT movie.
Then there is the “Wall of Fuck” named as such by my husband. I will tell you it’s in the attic of the house and you will agree when you see it. Yeah, he woke up for that part! As in, what the fuck is that? And what the fuck is that other thing?
Then there is just screaming, which is always good in a horror movie. I meant the screaming was from me, in case that was not clear.
1. I will tell you, “This house is haunted as fuck!” Yes, there are ghosts. You see them later in the movie, but they are there.
2. Okay, I have to say it. I have never heard a character, let alone a black geek character, usually the first to go in a horror movie…(I am not saying it’s right. I am saying it happens. Someone of color and also a geek. That is a dangerous combination.) tell a ghost to “suck my dick”. I laughed so hard. I honestly did. That shit was funny. And he was so angry that his voice broke. I have to give it to the writer and the actor on this one. LOVED IT! Also the other actors huddling in fear while he just went off! So good. Just so good. The ghosts did break his expensive equipment. They crossed the line. This was brilliant shit.
3. “What do you mean he’s not human?” The question alone. Loved it.
4. The psychic. I called him the friendly ghost whisperer, for the brief moments my husband was awake to hear me. Everyone else is dying and all kinds of shit is hitting the fan and Mr. Psychic is trying to work thought his own emotional baggage and make friends with the child ghost. Good job.
5. This movie had the stupid friend who doesn’t want to call the police when the girl falls down the stairs and dies because the death will be blamed on them. Plus he looked about thirty and he was dating a high school girl, maybe college. Maybe.
6. How could I forget the beautiful, blonde woman with HUGE boobs, who flashed her date, although he wasn’t looking, and then LEFT saying she was leaving before she got killed. This was right after saying the outside of the house looked haunted. The SMARTEST person in the movie award goes to her. She also had beautiful breasts so good for her.
7. Goriest death award goes to the guy in the attic who got mangled by “The Wall of Fuck”, then got decapitated by the wire in the attic. Ewwww. Seriously. Ewwwww. ( On a side note, I loved how his acting consisted of pouting to look upset or sad. I’m not sure which. Granted, he was young. I am sure he can add to his acting skills.)
8. My one complaint is that I am not clear on how the girl died near the end of the movie. It looked to me like she just kind of fell down. Am I wrong? It was a let down. I have to say. I mean, come on. Let’s have something clear cut happen there. Or have SOMETHING happen. She just sort of disappeared from our line of vision. What the shit, people? I get that there was that surprise at the end, but still. That still did not work for me. Sorry. Perhaps you could have established that she was really clutzy and THEN have her fall at the end. Something. Just make it work.
9. “This House is Haunted as Fuck” really should have been the way to advertise the movie. Such a missed opportunity.
10. Overall, have to say, I enjoyed the movie and I hope you do too.
I can’t say that I will go on any tours of haunted houses, but I wasn’t going to do that anyway. I mean seriously, it might be “haunted as fuck.”