To the Family Court Judge Who Makes The Decisions, Please learn about Narcissists and Borderline Personality Disorders to prevent lies and manipulation.
Dear Family Court Judge, You made a horrible mistake. You were wrong. I know you don’t want to hear this. I know you think you had all of the facts and made a sound decision, but you were wrong.
I’ve thought about writing you this letter from the moment you announced your decision in the courtroom that day.
You listened to their mother’s lies. You listened to their father’s lies. Well, you listened as their lawyer’s lied for them.
I never got to speak, but I knew them. I KNOW them. I know they lied about so many things.
Yes, she dressed nicely that day. She had clean, pretty hair. She wore make up and smiled at you.
He had on clean clothes and a suit jacket.
She manipulated you just like she did all of us at one time or another. Don’t feel badly. She’s convincing, charming, intelligent. She’s good at what she does. She’s been doing it for so long now.
She is not real, the person she portrays is not real.
Most importantly, children are not property. They shouldn’t be treated that way. The laws need to be changed if that’s how they are written.
Children don’t belong to their parents no matter what their parents do to them, no matter how much abuse they endure. Children should be with parents who love them and will do what is best for them. Period.
Children deserve to feel safe, and loved, and wanted. Children are not made to be owned.
Judges need to learn to LISTEN to the words that are spoken and still HEAR the truth. Family Court is a place full of emotions. Yes, people make mistakes. Some people want to make things better. Some people will do anything to make things right for a child. Those parents deserve a chance. Those parents and children deserve a chance together.
However, some people only lie. It’s all they know, it’s all they can do. They will never change. Their children are not people to them. They are property. These people, mothers and/ or fathers are monsters. Please see them for what they are, monsters wrapped in the skin of human beings. Monsters who will regain custody of their children as if they have won a prize and then continue to destroy the child’s life. You do the child no favor.
In some cases, perhaps one parent is not a monster. It is important that you take your time and figure out which one it is. One may be a monster but is trying very hard to make the normal one look like one. That is how it often works. You will need to look carefully at the evidence.
Judge, please educate yourself about narcissists, borderline personality disorders, and their patterns of abuse. It is important because in Family Court it all comes out, and the children suffer.
The parents who have these personality disorders manipulate and lie. They are the best actors in the world. They will do whatever they have to in order to get what they want. They want to win, usually, at any cost. They don’t care what happened to their children. They simply want to win or get custody.
Judges, please don’t let them use your courtrooms for their mind games.
Judge, it is your job to see through the games that the parents play when they have these personality disorders, to protect the child. If you don’t, no one will.
In this case, you failed. I want you to know, you failed. I want you to know so you can try not to do it again because children depend on you everyday to do the right thing, to do the hard thing.
If the children are old enough to talk to someone, let them talk privately to a counselor, and listen to the results. It has to be private because the children have been traumatized by all of the manipulations too. The child may be afraid of the monster. If they are smart, they fear a monster, their parent, that they also love.
Five, six, seven year old children can express their feelings. Let them talk to a counselor privately. Listen to what the child tells the counselor. Please listen, Judge.
Finally, Family Court Judge thank you for doing a thank less job, for listening to heartbreaking testimony, to details that I never want to hear. Thank you for trying to get it right. Please, please, keeping trying to get it right.
Children’s lives literally depend on you.